How Did You Know That You Were a Man?

Lars and the Real Girl is a quirky little movie that is worthwhile from a community building perspective.  There is one scene of interest to people interested in developing a community of men who seek to grow in the way of Christ.  Two brothers, Lars and Gus in a conversation about what it means to be a man.

The younger of the two, Lars is interested in knowing when you become a man.  Was it the sex?  He asks his brother as if this "right of passage" would spell manhood for him.  Gus is thrown off and kind of says yeah and kind of says no.  Finally Gus is able to put it into words.  "Well, it's not like you're one thing or the other, okay?  There's still a kid inside but you grow up when you decide to do right, okay, and not what's right for you, what's right for everybody, even when it hurts."  When Lars asks for an example, Gus continues.  "Like you know, like you don't jerk people around, you know, and you don't cheat on your woman, and you take care of your family, you know, and you admit when you're wrong, or you try to anyways.  That's all I can think of, you know - it sounds like it's easy and for some reason it's not."

It's not easy is it?  To do the right thing for everybody even when it hurts.  It takes most everything we have and then it seems we come up short sometimes.  So tell me: How'd you know?  That you were a man?

I'm still learning.  I still look to you to show me what it means.  An elderly neighbor might be able to drive to the hospital just fine when he has to follow the ambulance with his wife in it. No one will probably notice if I don't go see a coworker's father who is in hospice.  The young man interning with my company might be just as well off doing busy work as spending time with me doing learning what it is that I really do and belief and hope for.  Without you how would I know?

Beech Trees

It is the season for beech trees. They are the ones you see mostly now because of something they do that's makes them remarkable.  They don't drop their leaves after the leaves change.  That's good too, because if they did you would never notice them at all.  They don't really have much else to recommend them.  They have very unspectacular fall color- paper bag brown.  They don't have flowers that you would ever notice.  They are slow growing.  They are not really commercially available in the ornamental tree market.  Nobody goes to the garden center and asks if they have the beech trees in yet.  But we notice them now because they do something different.  So then what is our season?  What as leaders do we do- not spectacular, but remarkable.  If we are indeed to lead in discipleship and lead others to do the same we have to matter instead of manipulate.  We have to be present instead of placate.  We have to offer difference instead of indifference.  Dale Dauten writes in the book The Max Strategy that "Each quandary is a call for experimentation.  Each experiment a question put to the world.  Each answer a journey.  Let life plan the itinerary.  Your job is to pack light and bring a camera."  Assuming that tomorrow will bring it's own unique set of quandaries: What will you do different tomorrow?  Who do you think will notice?  Why does it matter?

Who's talking to your kids about sex?

As a father of 2 teen age girls, I read with interest Margaret Talbot's article in the 11.3 New Yorker, Red Sex, Blue Sex.  I had an epiphany last year when my 20ish niece shared with me that the only male who was in conversation with her was her boyfriend.  I decided to have conversations with my daughters because I wanted a more diverse opinion set available to them.  Ms. Talbot's article is fuel for the conversations.  Take a look at some of the variables that lead to teen sex and the inevitable teen pregnancy.  Abstinence campaigns in schools, for example, seem to be successful until too many youngsters take the pledge and then it seems to have an opposite effect.  As long as they are the embattled minority, they are inspired to remain celibate, but once they lost that identity, it's "Sodom and Gomorrah".  One interesting indicator seems to have to do with the ambition of the child.  Most youngsters most likely to refrain for intercourse felt like the risk of losing potential career opportunities or secondary education too great.  Also important: how embedded the youngster is in a network of friends, family, and institutions that reinforce his or her goal of delaying sex, and that offer a plausible alternative to America's sexed-up consumer community.  

Studies cited in the article indicate that how well you understand your child, pay attention to their concerns, and have fun with them are more likely to delay intercourse.

Do you understand your kids?  How bright would they say their future is?  When is the last time you had fun with your kids?  It might make the difference in how they will live the rest of their lives.

Promoting Connection

Keith Jennings of the excellent blog MARKETING ROUNDS shares an interesting perspective on promotion (publicity/advertising).

Most people think of promotion in a cause-and-effect way.  If I advertise (cause), people will call (effect).  So I must advertise.  This is wrong.

Promotion is actually effect-determines-cause.  If I want involvement (effect), what must I do to connect with those I want to be involved?  Looking at it this way, I have more tools to tap: I may put an article in the newsletter, e-mail, ask a Sunday school class to make an announcement, make a video to show, create a webpage, get a pulpit announcement.  Or any combination of these.

It starts with connecting with the group we are wanting to get involved.  Who are they?  What are their interest and ideals?  Why should they be interested in becoming involved with what you are doing?  Where and how do they currently get their information?

I have to connect with the group I am attempting to lead (get involved)

So I have to first connect with the group I want to involve and then determine how to communicate with them and become involved with them before I can expect them to become involved with me.

Is it just me, or is this revolutionary?

For more killer ideas, follow Keith at MARKETING ROUNDS

What Would Jesus Buy

My extended family prepared and served lunch at MUST ministries, a local shelter for the homeless in our area on the Friday after Thanksgiving.  "That was fun," was the unexpected take from my 17 year old daughter.  I asked my wife if she thought our girl knew that shopping was what you were "supposed" to do the Friday after Thanksgiving.  My wife indicated that she probably did, but she never mentioned that she would rather be shopping instead of serving, eating with, and playing board games with the homeless.  We took several games to donate to the warehouse, but they were closed, so we ended up playing catch phrase and backgammon with some of the guests and the community service workers there.  We had a blast.  I'm reminded that we can choose to be frustrated by the commercial nature Christmas has taken on; or we can seek ways to claim the season as a time of giving.  I hope you'll consider gathering your family to serve a meal at Must, or be a Christmas Angel, or find other ways to give together.  

There is a movie called What Would Jesus Buy out on DVD that gives an interesting perspective on how Christmas has become a season of debt accumulation.

What is your favorite tradition new or old that keeps giving and sharing at the core of the Advent and Christmas Time season?

Schmidt and Shirky on Love

Phillies legendary third baseman Mike Schmidt was on the Mike and Mike in the morning show (on espn 2) the day after the world series.  They were talking about why guys go so crazy and make the dogpiles and hug each other and tackle each other when they win the world series.  And among other things Schmidt said that it was because they realized, maybe for the first time and maybe instantaneously that they loved each other.  This Thanksgiving, I'm thinking a little bit about the guys that I have come to realize that I love.  I think about the men that cared for me and the guys that I connect with and work with and win and lose with and I think of the guys that have been waking up at 5:00 a.m. or earlier the past several weeks to figure out this men's ministry thing with me.  

I came across this clip that is really quite interesting.  It'll take about 10 minutes of your time.

Happy Thanksgiving.  I love you guys.

A short video on what love has to do with it

- Clay Shirky  "We have always loved one another.  We're human.  It's something we're good at.  But up until recently, the radius and half-life of that affection has been quite limited.  With love alone, you can get a birthday party together.  Add coordinating tools, and you can write an operating system.  In the past we could do little things for love, but big things, big things required money.  Now, we can do big things for love."

Scoot Over

I took my seat in church Sunday- on the aisle.  I was hoping someone would come in after me so I could scoot in.  Normally I allow people to come in after me to go pass me toward the center of the pew so I can maintain my aisle seat.  But this particular Sunday I wanted to be "all in", so when my friends tapped me on the shoulder and began to go by me, I slid over to the center of the aisle.  I felt like I was committed to worship at that time.  Right before the anthem, my friend offered her hand and said, "Peace".  I shook her hand and replied, "Peace be with you."  I was indeed worshipping.

Do you prefer to maintain your aisle seat in worship?  When have you experienced scooting over and being all in?

Men's Ministry

I never put much stock in "Men's Ministry".  I was a member of a kiwanis club and a sunday school class and pretty active in church a seemed to have the game figured out pretty well- navigating church life without having to get too close to anything.  I have come to realize most of my spiritual growth has happened with men involved on some level.  As I am dedicating to the spiritual growth of the people of Marietta First United Methodist Church and lots of them are men, I better get a handle on Men's Ministry, but I like the idea of calling it ministry to men. Let's see where we go.